RIP Shoot. Launched in 1969 as a monthly it was closed by IPC Media in June 2008

Paul Reaney is a former writer for Shoot, the cult football magazine. For many this would seem like the dream job but it would appear that interviewing vacuous over-priced footballers with barely a brain cell between them is not quite as rewarding as you’d like to think. No longer able to bear the philosophical rants of Kieran Dyer et al any longer he has since taken on more rewarding projects such as researching out weird and wonderful facts for The Random Book of Paul and getting into the mindset of the Griffin family to write the Family Guy album. We caught up with Paul in his newly adopted city to find out more about his diverse writing career. 

What bought you to Nottingham?
I moved to West Bridgford from Brighton in 2007 after eight years living on the South coast. My wife and I were really lucky having bought a two up two down before the property boom. We sold up and moved back north(ish). Before that, I studied and lived in London. I went to Middlesex Polytechnic which, unfathomably, has been made into a University. I achieved a Sociology and Politics degree when Thatcher was giving them away. It’s largely worthless. 

Where did your writing career start?
I originally wanted to be a football writer and so in my spare time, voluntarily wrote sports and broadcasting bulletins for a local radio station. Then I joined a Brighton company who did PR for what was then the Vauxhall Conference and German football company, uhlsport. I was trained to write press releases and ad copy, and worked quite heavily on branding, which was really interesting – it’s amazing how you can manipulate perceptions of a company and its products through copy, design etc. One of mine was ‘Improve Your FQ’ – football’s version of IQ. Unfortunately, with Nike and Adidas buying up all the print ad space and elite players it didn’t have the routes to market or financial muscle needed to make it work. I did, however, spend three days writing and shooting an ‘FQ’ ad with Pavel Nedved who was then European Footballer of the Year at the time – that was quite exciting. The ad meant I had to take my copy, have it translated into German, then to Italian, then to Czech! I think the end result was a bit Eurotrashy in all honesty – it was a bit gutting when I saw the final result. We (I worked on the ad with my boss) wanted the ad to be a bit like those police recruitment ads, the ones that had Lennox Lewis in, but it all got lost in translation - literally and figuratively – and came out all soft focus.

Was writing for Shoot more satisfying?
Writing for Shoot was great to begin with – meeting players and talking football – but after a while the gloss comes off and you realise you’re interviewing teenagers and twentysomething millionaires who, in the main, are a bit thick, don’t have anything interesting to say and lack the capacity to illuminate football’s cultural, emotional and financial importance, influence or impact. This is a business where someone like Graham Taylor, who remember reached the top of the industry, uses the phrase ‘he’s what we in the game call pace’ describing a fast centre forward – and that’s what we class as analysis!

Graham Taylor: Turnip or misunderstood genius who simply lived by Oscar Wilde's mantra 'the obvious is stated by the intellectual'?

The longer I worked in football the more I realised it was an industry based on smoke and mirrors – English footballers, managers and coaches are, to be honest, not really that interesting. It’s no co-incidence that we have an Italian coach leading our national team, that English Managers are rarely coveted abroad, that English players largely fail abroad and that a Scotsman, Frenchman, Spaniard and Italian lead our ‘big four’ clubs. English football is built on an empire of institutionalised stupidity – fat, tracksuited coaches who bleat on about ‘passion’, who teach kids to run fast and fight while Spain, Argentina and Brazil focus on technique and Germany and Italy focus on tactics.

Surely not all footballers are dumb overpaid assholes?
There are exceptions: I found Niall Quinn, Graham Le Saux and Carlo Cudicini informed and philosophical about the football industry while Antti Niemi, Matt Holland, Lee Sharpe and Dean Saunders were a few players who were very engaging. I also spent a week with Gazza and walked away feeling an incredible empathy with someone who gives so much to other people. He’s a kind, generous, intelligent and ultimately, misunderstood man. 

I guess writing the Family Guy album must have been more stimulating?
Family Guy was an extremely tough writing assignment and, to be honest, about a month in and not having put pen to paper, I almost called the publishing house and asked to be taken off the job. I spent the first month watching every episode, taking them apart and re-compiling them by character; I had to write in character on behalf of The Griffins etc. so getting their voices in my head was crucial. One day it suddenly clicked, it was a bit weird. I was watching Michael Sheen talk about being Cloughie in The Damned United and he talked about watching hours and hours of Cloughie interviews to get the characterisation and I think that’s very much the same as writing in character – you just have to keep immersing yourself and eventually it just happens. When it does, for a writer it’s great – probably the nearest I’ll ever come to being an actor.

The Random Book of Paula could be Reaney's follow up

The Random Book of Paul – what is it?
The Random Book of Paul looks at weird and wonderful facts about famous and infamous people called Paul throughout history. I was asked to write The Random Book of Paul by a publishing house in Brighton who I’ve worked with in the gambling, gaming and sport sector. The book is part of a series of ten which include the most popular ten men’s names over the last 100 years – Andrew, Christopher, David, James, John, Michael, Matthew, Paul, Robert and Richard.

Give us a weird and wonderful Paul fact?
Being the sort of person who is bemused how anyone can live their life through the ‘teachings’ of a 2,010 year-old fairy story, I am always quite happy when tambourine bashers get their comeuppance. Gospel preacher Paul Wren of Carbonville, Illinois wanted to prove and demonstrate the strength of God's love. What better to do so than to offer to lift the heaviest man in his congregation with his bare teeth? Step forward Joe Pearce, who weighed well over 18st. With Pearce buckled into a harness, Wren placed the leather strap between his teeth and began to pull and strain and grunt, until, the pressure ripped five front teeth from his mouth. He regained composure enough to complete the thirty minute sermon. However, many parishioners reputedly left to save laughing at his God-given lisp.

Paul Winchell made the natural progression from heart ventricles to ventriloquist

I can see why you preferred writing this than interviewing Kieran Dyer. Please give us another Paul fact...
Paul Winchell patented a design for the artificial heart in the mid-1950s. However, it wasn’t until 1st December 1982 at the University of Utah Medical Center in Salt Lake City that Dr. William C. DeVries implanted dentist Dr. Barney Clark with a Jarvik-7, an artificial heart designed by Robert Jarvik. Clark survived for 112 days. That, however is not how Winchell will be remembered. Winchell was, until 1999, also the voice of Tigger in Winnie the Pooh, Boomer in The Fox and the Hound, the Siamese cat in Disney's Aristocats and evil Gargamel from The Smurfs.

How do you go about researching this? I presume there isn’t a section in the library for Christian names...
It was really a case of finding an area I was interested, finding someone called Paul within that sector and then finding an interesting fact about them. What was great about writing the book was that I got to meander through some areas I’d never read about from architecture to papacy, Oscar winners to murderers, international politicians to explorers, comedians, magicians, musicians…

Is a Book of Paula next?
The team of writers is currently looking at the next most popular ten males’ names, building on the success of the 2009 set. We’ve talked about doing the three most popular girls’ names but historically the achievements of women have been swept under the carpet, usurped by men or just plain ignored. Subsequently, it makes them difficult to research. I’ve been asked to write the 2010 Family Guy Annual which I’ll probably start work on soon – I think writing the second one is going to be even harder, I won’t be able to re-use the references from 2009.

He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground...Family Guy, Family Guy

How would you describe what you do?
I live on my wits really. I’ve spent my whole life worrying that I’ve never had a vocation; I very much envy people who, at 12, know they want to be a pilot, a vet or a musician and then commit themselves to it. I’ve never had that calling. However, I am about to embark on The Broadway’s script writing course and would love to write for screen full time. It’s going to be interesting to see if I’ve got the ability. I watch a lot of stuff on TV where I think I could do that better. Talk is cheap though and I’m going to have to prove it to myself.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to write?
I am absolutely terrible at writing messages in birthday/Christmas/anniversary cards. I seem to have a blind spot with it. My old man, who spent a lifetime working as an electrician, is absolutely brilliant at it and many’s a time his message has moved me to tears. I suppose I could tap into him for the more heartfelt moments in my film script. I’m probably like most people of my age, thinks about what they’re going to say/write at the funeral of loved ones. I think that’s going to be really tough. My daughter’s only six but I can’t wait to write the speech at her wedding – she changed me in a way I could never imagine. It’s going to be difficult to put into words how I felt when she was born, ironically, writing the script will be the ultimate labour of love.

The Random Book of Paul is available for £9.99 from Stripe Publishing
The Family Guy Album is available from Pedigree Books Ltd
James Walker's website