To the outsider, the Nottingham accent might make the person speaking it sound thicker than Barry White's shit on Boxing Day morning, but don't kid yersen; it’s actually the most complex dialect in the UK., drawing in and absorbing speech patterns and slang from Derbyshire, Yorkshire, Lancashire and the South before spitting them back out in a concentrated stream of inflection, tone, tempo and swearing.
It’s by far the most contradictory accent in the world; to speak it correctly requires huge amounts of intelligence, while making you sound like fifty points have automatically dropped from your IQ. This is why you hear youths on the bus constantly adding the term ‘Yer get meh?’ on the end of everything they say; because our dialect is so complicated, there’s a possibility the recipient hasn’t got him at all, and he’s politely enquiring whether the message has been understood.
The first thing you need to know about the Notts accent is that only a third of the population of the city actually speak it, because it's really a North Notts accent. People who live south of the Trent might as well be living in Berkshire. Of the remainder, half of those are deeply ashamed of their natural accent, while our mouth-breathing youth think it’s clever to sound like a Gay Tim Westwood after a brain haemorrhage.
Whose that bloke who sang Gold? And To Cut A Long Story Short? Y'know, him who was on Reborn In The USA who wasn't the bloke off Go West? It wasToneh Adleh Aht Ter Spandaah Balleh. Repeat that, in the mirror, at least five times before going out in the morning.
|Up (‘Oop’)||Shirt (‘Shot’)||Down (‘Daahn’)|
|Bath (‘Baff’)||Work (‘Wok’)||Out (‘Aht’)|
|Just (‘Joost’)||Home (‘Om)||Sound (‘Saahnd’)|
|Must (‘Moost’)||Take (‘Tek’)||Town (’Taahn’)|
This word is the glue that binds practically every Nottinghamian sentence together, but it need to be said properly; FOOO-kin. Let the syllables bounce, like a table tennis ball. Use it at the start of a sentence, and up to three times in the middle of one. And don't forget; in certain parts of Nottingham, saying 'FOOO-kin'...' and nothing else is a sentence in itself.