The All Night Bad Movie Experience

Hold the darn phone; Broadway has realised a dream that I’m sure many have had: a whole night of films. A whole night of terrible, hilarious, awful films. Films that are so bad that they are actually good and you have to love them for their sheer audacity. Films that make Rosie Huntington-Whiteley look like a supreme actress and Sex And The City Two look highbrow. The All Night Bad Movie Experience promises to deliver to us Nottingham folks just that. Running from 11pm ‘til 7am, Broadway will be showing four of the most intensely cringeworthy films in a row and with three of these in classic 35mm format, we’re all in for a real treat. So, what will our optic nerves have the ‘pleasure’ of processing? Read on, fellow film fans…

The Room

Look how much fun they're having! Crazy times to be shared with you...

Bah hahahahahaahaaa.

OK, so I should write a more informative preview about Tommy Wiseau’s magnum opus, though I feel it’ll spoil the fun somewhat. Funded, directed, written, produced and starred in by the man himself, The Room is an exercise in bad filmmaking. The story revolves around Johnny (Wiseau), a man who has it all; a job, a fiancée, a best friend, some random kid that seems to love him. However, despite being a great guy and pillar of society, trying times are upon Johnny; mostly due to his cheating future wife, Lisa (played by Juliette Danielle, best known for….The Room), who decides she is bored of Johnny’s stable ways, and wishes to indulge in an affair with his best friend, Mark.

I say 'story', but I use the term pretty loosely here, the main ‘plotline’ jumps around so much that there are times when you question just what the story and the subplots are.  Take one small example - Lisa’s mother’s cancer, mentioned just once, out of absolutely nowhere, with seemingly no purpose whatsoever. Obviously, this just adds extra absurdity to the proceedings on the whole and while you will want to tear your hair out and cry ‘Whhhyyyyyy?!?!’ at the screen, you will also find beauty in the car-wreck that is The Room. Dubbed the Citizen Kane of bad movies, no bad film night would be complete without it. Bring spoons and American footballs (caveat: only throw these in a responsible manner, please). And be prepared to quote the most awesome line in cinema history at friends and strangers alike: "YOU ARE TEARING ME APAAHHT LISA!"

Road House

WTF?  Let me say it again - WTF?!

Patrick Swayze was a bit good back in the day, wasn’t he? Well not in Road House, another stunningly bad film that holds a place in the heart only because of its pure atrociousness. Swayze plays Dalton, a bouncer with a mysterious past, brought to the Road House bar to keep down the violence that has been plaguing it for so long. Things have gotten so bad there that even the band has to play behind a mesh screen and, as Dalton’s friend Cody says, “there’s blood on the floor of this joint every night”. Dalton sets about cleaning up the trouble, however, the town that Road House is in, and the bar itself is pretty much controlled by Brad Wesley, a guy who doesn’t like his interests interfered with, or his woman either, for that matter. The woman in question, Doc, of course meets and falls in love with the greased pecs and perfect hair that is Swayze. Realising that he’s a good guy and far superior, morally, to Wesley. Or is it just the pecs? Anyway, Wesley becomes hell bent on making trouble for Dalton and all of his newfound friends, finally garnering a violent response from the ‘nice guys’. Expect more cheese than a fondue event with over a hundred guests.

Samurai Cop

Expect some amazing scenes

Ironically named, seeing as the cop in question (Matt Hannon) is about as good at fighting as Paris Hilton is at acting. In fact, he’s about that good at acting too, and has hair with about the same swish factor. The film promises action and gore, which is has both of in abundance, however, the action element comprises mostly of unintentional funnies. And what of the special effects? Well, if you asked a kid to cover itself in tomato sauce, you’d have about the right idea. Samurai Cop is actually so bad, supposedly it wasn’t even released on video in the US - more’s the shame for the Americans. It even has an ex-porn star in it, who took a wrong gamble when she thought that this feature would break her into ‘proper’ acting. Probably, she should have realised that this breakout into mainstream films was just soft porn in disguise, as when not waging hilarious ‘fights’ (watch out for Hannon’s wig almost flying off mid-battle) essentially we’re watching a sleazy guy chatting up a plethora of hotties. Fun? Yes. Relevant to the plot in any way? No.

Pieces

So bad we could only source this image...

Imagine, a flesh jigsaw puzzle. Now that’d be one to keep your Nan entertained at Christmas. Fleshy lady puzzles are the driving force behind Pieces’ chainsaw-brandishing baddie who, after being caught putting a pornographic jigsaw together as a kid, kills his mum and so begins a lifelong slaughtering ambition. Fast forward a few years and our psycho-killer stalks the grounds of a university maiming young, hot lady students so that he can add their parts to his new, human jigsaw. Crack cop, Lieutenant Bracken, is given the job of bringing the maniac to task and, together with special agent Mary Riggs (Lynda Day George) who goes in undercover as a tennis coach, have to stop the deaths before there are not enough women left on campus to have sex. There are no good actors in this flick, however, check out Willard the groundskeeper – it’s only Paul Smith (Bluto from Popeye). Co-written by Dick Randall, who penned stories for some of the Emmanuel movies, there is enough sleaze in Pieces to give it a truly b-movie horror flavour. Classically terrible acting and ridiculous plotlines all round, Pieces has a cult following and is adored by director Eli Roth, (Hostel, Cabin Fever and long term Tarantino collaborator).  If it’s inspired such a director then there’s got to be some good in there. Somewhere…

So there you have it, a night of bad, bad films all in a comfy setting that won’t taint your home entertainment system.  Plus, there’s a raffle and bad movie trailers throughout - it’s going to be one hell of an awesome night. Remember to bring your sleeping bag, popcorn and tissues to wipe those tears of laughter away.

The All Night Bad Movie Experience takes place at Broadway from 11pm on Saturday 19 November. 

Official Bad Movie Night facebook page - with full listing details
 

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