illustration: Rikki Marr
LADY GODIVAS
In an attempt to force cars to slow down around their wandering mares, young riders have taken it upon themselves to ride topless. Literally stopping traffic with her breasts, 23-year-old Hannah Leslie has been Godiva’ing it up in near enough her birthday suit to force cars to consider their speed when passing her horse. Basically, encouraging ‘em to ogle her bosom. One small step for horses, one giant leap towards the perpetual sexual objectification of women.
THICK KIDS
Notts kids have scored a place at the bottom of government league tables, with only 41% of students bagging themselves an A*-C grade in their GCSEs. Only Knowsley, Merseyside, did worse with a 36% pass rate. We don’t place much stock in league tables, and think our youtdem succeed in many other ways. Like learning how to roll a zoot on the move, or which offie will serve you without ID. You know, valuable life skills.
ROBIN HOOD ENERGY
In spirit of the old chap robbing the rich to give to the poor, our lovely council have decided to set up their own not-for-profit energy company, to give us Notts folk – and others from across the country – cheaper leccy. Keep yersens well away from The Big Three, and transfer your account to save yourself a wad of dosh. Right in time for Crimbo. Big up yourselves, Nottingham City Council, you’re not so bad after all.
FAKIN’ IT
We’re sure you’ve seen ‘fake beggar’ Darren Walker, circulating your social media feeds over the last month. You’ve been outraged, perhaps rightly so, by his swindling of your hard-earned cash to buy drugs, while the council pay for his home. But is publicly vilifying a man with a blatant life-controlling addiction really the right way to go about this? Show your love, and donate a couple pounds to Double Impact so that the right help can be given to Mr Walker.
PISSED-UP PUSSY
The only place in Notts to get a (legal) pussy fix is planning to extend its opening hours and start selling alcohol. Yep, the Kitty Cafe on Friar Lane is planning on becoming a cat-friendly boozer, serving dinner and vino to feline fanatics across Notts. Seems a bit dangerous, if you ask us. Someone is bound to get too tiddly and nick a kitten. Or worse, see if the space truly is big enough to swing a cat in...
NO EGGS HERE
You might’ve been left shocked and bemused last month by teens lurking outside Co-ops, thrusting £2 in your face, begging you to buy them a six pack of eggs – free range, if possible. It’s all thanks to the coppers issuing a warning to shops to refuse the sale of eggs to teens, for fear of Halloween eggings, which all sounds a bit Orwellian to us. We recommend setting good, old-fashioned bear traps to catch potential egg-lobbers instead.
GRANDAD’S GOT WINGS
We all reckon our grandads are superheroes. But one gramps from Kirkby-in-Ashfield took superhero to a whole new level, by surviving a 50ft fall after losing control of his paramotor. Suffering a double fracture in one leg and a ruptured spleen among other injuries, Ian Mills is recovering at home with his missus and grandkids. Docs managed to save his leg, so he’ll be walking about in no time. Just stick to ground level though, eh Ian?
HOME OF WHAT?
Home of Sport, youth. Thanks to VisitEngland, Nottingham has been named the best place to get your exercise on. Whether it’s footie, cricket, archery, rugby, ice hockey, white water rafting, or Netflix and chill, there’s plenty to crack on with. After a Twitter frenzy that earned us 38% of the vote, you can give yourselves a pat on the back, then do the same with the other arm, then ten star jumps, and fifty sit-ups…
We have a favour to ask
LeftLion is Nottingham’s meeting point for information about what’s going on in our city, from the established organisations to the grassroots. We want to keep what we do free to all to access, but increasingly we are relying on revenue from our readers to continue. Can you spare a few quid each month to support us?
