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New shoes

12 August 06 words: Fliss Goddard
Yesterday I bought a pair of Nicole Farhi shoes. I paid for them with the money I'd saved for a new double bed

Not Nicole Farhi shoesYesterday I bought a pair of Nicole Farhi shoes. I paid for them with the money I’d saved for a new double bed.

As I cannot sleep on shoes, I am effectively ‘bedless’. This has not gone down well with my other half who likes to sleep on a mattress, not the floor with cute maroon tweed kitten heels for a pillow. Anyhow, these shoes are most definitely not for sleeping on. They are for loving, for worshipping, for putting on a glass shelf and looking at.

I weighed up the pros and cons of wearing them for work today, to see if wearing £200 shoes made your day a million times better. I donned my Cinderella shoes and set off wishing that I had the matching bag. Although to afford this I would have to forgo my new desk. Not ideal in a practical world, although in my mine, where obsessions with shoes and handbags rules, it made sense.

As I walked into my office I pondered on whether my new beautiful shoes would give me blisters later in the day, as be assured new pretty shoes do. You take it for granted that the more you spend on a pair of shoes and the more gorgeous they are, the more you will repay in pain. I wondered that should I have a blister or two, would they be in the form of gold nuggets. After all with shoes worth this much, you’d think there’d be a retirement plan included…

I assumed, as you would, that the day would run perfectly smoothly, as gorgeous shoes would warrant. Having spent the previous week on holiday I arrived to find that my desk had been sabotaged! Where neat files once stood, there now seemed one hundred more. Where I’d left my pens, there were signs of a struggle. My impossible to ever get hold of post it notes had been kidnapped. Where my keyboard once stood, there was a rectangle of dust free desk.

My mouse no longer worked and I’d forgotten to renew my password before I left, so had to wait in a phone queue for 20mins for them to open my computer (or something along those lines). Then I crawled in an undignified manner under the desk to attach a spare keyboard. All that could be seen was my derriere and my Nicole Farhi shoes. I like to think that the sight of my lovely shoes peeking out from under the desk was what my colleagues were admiring and not my up ended bottom. It was at this time that my boss finally noticed that I’d arrived for work. Not the best impression on your first day back. I hung my head and attempted to locate my desk under the piles of papers and files. Opening my inbox and there was a sea of unread red e-mails. My voicemail box was full and there was a stack of post its stuck to my screen. Now I knew where the sticky little yellows had gone. I felt swamped under, and due to the height of stuff piled on my desk, I heard numerous people enquire as to my whereabouts. At this I uttered a squeak and stuck a foot out. If they couldn’t see my face they could at least admire my shoes.

Rosemary Conley - never thought of buying shoes as a means of dieting!Lunchtime came and went without making a significant appearance. I am on a post holiday diet and unfortunately paying lots of money for fabulous shoes does not guarantee that your weight will decrease by the amount spent on said shoes. Now that would be a perfect recipe. Imagine if the more you spent on wonderful shoes, the more weight loss would occur! Now then Rosemary Conley (right), you didn’t think of that. Ha!

Finally quit the ongoing struggle between me and my inbox (we were having a competition to see if I could empty it before it filled up again) and snuck into the loos to send a text message to my best friend in Sweden. She’s a fashion designer and she’s great! I just had to tell her about my new shoes. She’d side with me whole-heartedly on spending new double bed money on new Nicole Farhi shoes. It was here in the mirror that I noticed a ladder on my right leg the width of leg in my tights, that started at the waistband and made its way down to my ankle. This depressed me greatly when I realised that all those nice people who I thought were looking at my shoes on my venture into the canteen earlier, were probably just mean people with red eyes who were laughing at my laddered panty hose. I retreated to my desk, head down and prayed that I had no more meetings to attend so that I could just bury my head in a pile of paper work. I sat awkwardly for the rest of the day, with my bottom under the desk, my thigh underneath my chair and my lovely maroon tweed shoes with a bow, the only part of my lower half to be seen. When I was finally able to leave work, the sun came out to high light my messed up hair from under desk rummages and my Indian ocean tight ladder and to openly mock me.

But I didn’t care. Just sneaking glances down at my lovely new shoes was enough to cheer me up, even with the thought of the gym, cooking dinner, ironing and changing the bed sheets ahead of me (Why are double duvets just so difficult?). Expensive new shoes may not solve a crisis, they may not make a bed, they cannot solve give world peace and they certainly don’t make gold nugget blisters (trust me), but they do make the world a prettier place… and for that alone they are worth every penny.

Also by Fliss on LeftLion: Cricket for Girls

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