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The Comedy of Errors

Things We Miss About Goose Fair in the 1980s

1 October 10 words: Al Needham

The goose is up on the roundabout and the smell of candy floss is in the air. All we are saying is give peas a chance...

So, the Sun is dying, the nights are drawing in, youths are already letting off bangers and folk are wearing jumpers again. It's Goose Fair weather, in't it?

When you were growing up in Nottingham in the eighties, the final half of the year was a non-stop procession of good things. You broke up from school in July, went to Skeggy in August, lobbed bricks at conker trees in September, set fire to things in November, and went to see Santa in Broad Marsh Co-Op in December. But the greatest thing of all happened in October, when a fog of mushy pea fumes descended over the city and the Forest looked from a distance like Las Vegas.

So we're going to kick that Goosey vibe Owd School, me duck. The following are a selection of the things that you don't see at Goose Fair anymore, whose disappearance is sorely missed. Please bear in mind that all mistakes in the following recollections are the authors, and he will be happy to be corrected by those who know better.

A relic from the days when looking at rodents in a glass tank was the height of culture and sophistication in Notts

Elvis Mirrors
The King lives. On student bedsit walls, in charity shops and in your Auntie's attic

Scream If You Want To Go Faster Man
A tale of dreams denied and hopes a-crushed, set to a soundtrack of Racey and Gary Glitter.

Saddam Assassin

The Snake Woman of Bombay
The erotic splendour of a bored secretary from Bulwell earning a bit of Xmas money by pissing about with a snake.

The Giant From Scotland
He could step over a Mini, you know.

Gordon the Gnome
He could walk under a Mini. Alright, maybe he couldn't.

The Boxing Booth
Old-school fist-on-face action, watched by deranged old dear with a brolly.

The ultimate prize. Until they died the next morning.

Dads with faces like smacked arses
Goosey-hating Enemies of the People.

Outdoor Bingo
Bingo: The Sport of Mams.

Being warned by your Nana not to go on a Saturday night
Mouth-pursing warnings of Apocalypse by the Cakewalk.

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