DH Lozza. illustration: Hunt Emerson
Forget #Remain but never forget beautiful leaves. Leaves of grass... Grass blossoms, grass has flowers, flowers of grass, dusty pollen of grass, tall grass in its midsummer maleness; even the blue-grass blossoms; even the bison knew it; even the stupidest farmer gathers his hay in bloom, in blossom just before it seeds.
Now shut up about stoopid toff spats, and stop buying all of the Dolmio Ragu sauce from Tesco. It in’t gonna run out. Ahhh!!! And remember any c*nt in power will f*ck you over. Get down the Arboretum and roll in tall grass with sexy ladies (and men) or both at the same time. I call this #fuckit
Katie Half-Price. illustration: Raphael Achache
Being a Beast
£11.99, Profile Books
Get this. When I tek me kiddies aht on skool so theyz can goo’ for a donkey ride dahn Skeg with their dads, I gerra letter telling meh it’s illegal and the skool are gonna fine us. WTF? Which dun’t stop us BTW cuz I’m on benos, so I’ve got fuck all. But when a professor from Oxford teks his eight year ode kid into the woods and gets him to eat worms, sniff out fox piss, and dig holes in ground so they can pretend ta be a badger, he gets a book deal? Honestleh, talk abaht one rule for them and one rule for us. Now don’t gerrus wrong, I like toffs. They’re like w/c but wi’ money. They do worever they like and dun’t gee a f*ck. *Respect* But when he starts ta say things like Norfolk worms have a tang of nappy liner in August, I can’t ‘elp but fink, how d’ya know worra nappy tastes like? And why August? Do yer eat nappies every month or summat? Being a Twat wud be a better title.