Jack Bates and the Wizard's Spell
£7.99, Mambi Books
Basicalleh, yer surname tells you a lot abaht yersen e.g. When ppl hear meh name, they think kerching. So being named after a bob commuter tahn on A52 in’t the best start in yer life. And I dun’t care what anyone sez, Leslie is a girl’s name. IDT. INDST. But despite all this, the awfah of this Y.A book is well famous. He started his career by killin’ someone and doin’ time. We’ve all bin there. Then he played Dotteh Den in Enders and bashed Anita Dobbs abaht, probleh cuz she married Brian May. But we all love ‘im for gerrin’ caught on webcam havin’ a five finger shuffle and playin’ Hook in Panto in Notts circa 2002. Now, wi’ a CV like this you’d think he’d ger invited inta jungle and made ta eat pickled kangaroo anus. But he an’t. So the poor bogger’s bin forced ta write a book ta mek a livin’ instead. Problem is, he’s well ode now (69, lol!) and cudn’t be arsed ta think of a name for the fantasy world it’s set in so he just called it OTHER. And that’s not a typo. IF YER GONNA GET ALL SHOUTEH LIKE YER THINK YER SUMMAT AND GET OVER FRIENDLEH WI’ THE CAPS LOCK KEY, WHY NOT GO THE FULL HOG AND LOB IN A FEW EXCLAMS? Call it OTHER!!!!! Spolier alert: Twat.