TRCH Mindgames

What Notts: The Latest News and Stories

5 April 17 words: LeftLion

Find out what's been going on around and about the city for the past month...

BOB MARLEY
Most of the the time when you lot bell our line you’re having a go cos we called your gardening club ‘relatively unknown’ or tipping us off about repeat dog poo offenders. This month, however, we got a call from a delightful chap who informed us that Bob Marley played his first ever UK gig here in Nottingham. Ever the discerning journalists, we double checked his story (went on the Bob Marley website) and yes, it’s true. The first stop on Mr Marley’s premiere UK tour was the Coleman Club, now Jongleurs. He was scheduled to play the first date in Peckham, back in 1973, but our Bob’s ganja-filled promo material irked the club owner. He took ‘em down and Bob weren’t happy, deciding to take his talents somewhere they would be more appreciated. And where can you find a bigger bunch of boys and girls not opposed to bunning a fat zoot? Nottingham! So it came to pass that the legendary Bob Marley gifted us his first British gig. Thanks Bob, and thanks clued-up caller for passing on the knowledge.

STORM
DORIS DAY
Well, our Dotty didn’t half have a bag on her last month, didn’t she?! She were knocking down trees left, right and centre, made damn sure no one was getting on a train, and forced Sherwood Forest Visitor Centre and the Bingham market to close. Luckily she tired hersen out pretty quickly and packed up shop. Next up is her mate Ewan, and we’re not sure we wanna find out what he’s sayin...

“999 WHAT’S YOUR EMERGENCY?”
“Ey up, duck. Yeah, me lad’s been sat in front o’ laptop all night. His peepers have gone all square and I’m dead worried he’s not gonna gerrup for school in the mornin’. Can yer send someone round?” No, this is not a joke. This is a genuine request from one hapless parent to the Nottinghamshire police force. Put your own kids to bed and leave the coppers to their actual job. You know, keeping the city safe and free from actual crime.

POUNDS IN PARSNIPS
Richard Scothern has paid his dues when it comes to looking for bits of metal under the earth. But 45 years of hard detective work has paid off as Mr Scothern found a rare penny from the Viking-era in a parsnip field near Newark. The piece of silver is said to be almost 1,100 years old and is expected to reach between £10,000 and £15,000 at auction. You’ll have a lorra coin to look at now, our Rich.

SCHOOL’S OUT
We’ve all been there. You invite a couple of mates round for a few bevs and a game of Cluedo, and before you know it, the whole crew plus some are piled into your kitchen playing silly boggers with your best glassware. Rushcliffe School feel your pain, as a DJ workshop was booked in their school hall after hours, was supposed to wrap up around 10pm, but 250 attendees rocked up, raved out and didn’t leave till gone 3am.

SPARE TIME IN PRISON
Paddy Tipping has got a little favour to ask. Not a big thing, just summat you can do in your down time. You up for it? Sound. So basically, Mr Tipping needs you to pop into prison, mix and blend with men and women who have been arrested, and keep an eye out for any untoward behaviour from police staff.  Jackie Nash is expecting you to give her a bell on 0115 844 5998. Ta ducks.

COCKLE MAN CANCER SCARE
Earlier this month, our beloved Fish Man was attacked by a pair of absolute deplorables, who ended up breaking his ribs after trying to steal his children’s charity tin. Cue blood boilover. Upon examination from the doctors, it was revealed that our Dave was in the early stages of cancer. Dave told the BBC that the robbers “have done [him] a favour”, and that he doesn’t need chemo as they’ve caught it promptly, but we reckon the boggers could still do with a couple of mackerels tumped round their chops.

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