TRCH Bodyguard

Overheard in Notts

8 December 17 words: Big Baby

Big Baby is listening...

“A bull got stuck in that well. That’s why it’s called Bulwell.”

“He sent me a friend request but I’ve not got round to replying yet.”

Woman 1: Does he treat her right?
Woman 2: Yes duck, he’s lovely.
Woman 3: He’s the shit.
Woman 1: He’s a shit? Let me knock him out.

“If I came round your house through a cat flap and you fed me, you wouldn’t say you owned me, would you?”

“My house is so scary yeah, the doorbell goes off yeah, and there’s nobody even at the door, you know.”

“She looks bare like a bloke... but I’d definitely shag her.”

Girl: Josh, will you carry me?
Josh: No.

Man:
I’ve lost a stone, I’ll have you know.
Woman: The only stone you've lost is out your bleeding shoe.

“It’s too dark. I can’t see the sights. The sights of Nottinghamshire.”

“It’s bum-fun Friday.”

“I’m attracted to people that wear their fat successfully.”

“What? What? I don’t get it. Tell you what, why don’t you write me a message on Facebook and I’ll ignore your shit on there too.”

“I think she's pretty an’ all, just hate her lipstick.”

“It’s alright them lot all stabbing each other, but I get kicked out just for being pissed!”

“The hearing aid’s alright, except I can hear my hair squeaking.”

Woman: But you don’t like cats.
Man: We had one once, one of them long-haired chinchillas.

“Then you forget to pay rent. Your rent comes after a night out.”

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