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What Notts: The Latest News and Stories

6 December 17 words: LeftLion

Some of the daftest things to happen in Notts...

COME DISSECT WITH ME
Howd on a sec. Are we missing summat? We’re all for a spot of light entertainment while we gobble down an antipasti board or two, but never in all our combined years of worldly experience would we expect that live entertainment to include dissecting a fake human body stuffed with a pig’s organs. Anatomy Live are coming to Notts in February next year, and they’re bringing the world’s only semi-synthetic human cadaver, stuffed like a pinata with the insides of a pig, along for the ride.

Those of you who are macabre enough to want in on this one will be treated to a dinner, and kitted out with top-of-the-range mortuary wear and handed scalpels, scissors, forceps and bone saws. Experts’ll then show you how to chop up the poor bogger on the table, and even show you round the insides of a pig’s head. Not for the faint hearted, and will definitely put you off the scran you just yammed. Rather yow than us, duck.

WE WON THINGS
You may recall us mentioning the documentary film we made – Lord of Milan – that looks at the life of Herbert Kilpin: the Butcher’s boy from Mansfield Road who went on to found AC Milan. It weren’t for nowt either, cos we only went and won a bleddy award over in Milan for it. Our Georgi and the team worked dead hard, and though they may not totally understand exactly what the award was for, they’re dead chuffed nonetheless.

CARERS ARMS
There are few things in this cold, cold world that make you feel as relaxed as the tattered red velour bench of your local boozer. And Stoke House Care Home in Gedling are well aware of that. They’ve transformed one of their rooms into a fully functional pub for residents to enjoy a cold one, play a game of darts, and generally let their hair down. It hasn’t half made ‘em happy. Well in.

RUBBISH BIRTHDAY
Just like the poor youth who were after a couple of front teeth for Christmas, little Archie only wanted one thing for his eighth birthday: to ride in a bin lorry. And after his mum tweeted Nottingham City Council, his wildest dreams came true when Jason Luciw and his colleague turned up to take the lad to school in their lorry. “I want to be a bin man when I’m older,” ses Archie. “I like the noise and the smell.”

HAWKWARD ENCOUNTER
It’s not every day you look into your back garden and see two beautiful birds fighting over yer nuts. But that’s exactly what happened to Mike Cowdry from Wollaton one morning when he spotted two parrots tekkin’ a nibble on his bird feeder. Oi, oi. After snapping some pics, he noticed neither of the pollys had rings on their ankles, so Mike concluded that they’d just been blown up from London by strong winds the night before. Churping heck.

MILKIN’ IT
There’s nothing more annoying on this green earth than the other half returning from the shop without the vital supplies. One lady in Bestwood was determined not to let her hubby forget the milk, so she shouted after him down the street nice and loud. On hearing the hollaring, a concerned neighbour believed there to be a serious domestic going on and called the coppers. Two bobbies turned up within ten minutes to find no disturbance at all, but at least they could have a cuppa for their troubles.

CAPITAL OF NUTTIN’
There’ve been reports flying all over the shop that Nottingham is out of the running for European Capital of Culture 2023. In November, the European Commission issued a letter to the UK government to say that British cities in the selection process should get the boot because the title is only open to EU countries, and EFTA/EEA countries, so unless a miracle strikes, it’s looking like a lot of money, time and resources down the owd poop pot.

Tell us what you think

Chris Rock

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