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Nottingham Castle

Overheard in Notts

7 June 17

The daftest things you lot say...

They’re not my nachos, but I’m so hungry I could eat a scabby c*ck.”

“My dad says you’re not a real man if you shave your armpits.”

“I’m going to come up to your office and start licking everything.”

“He used to be horrible to me but then me brother threatened to burn his house down.”

“I think, of all the minor celebrities, Bill Oddie would be the most sensuous and creative of lovers.”

“Is there a way of closing this that doesn’t f*ck everything up?”

“Lemon and black pepper is best friends.”

“I don't have to pay for the dentist, I’m on benefits. Been on them years; since I was a baby.”

“Fifteen shillings. That’s worth a bob or two nowadays.”

“You always get runny eggs in Hockley!”

"You’re welcome round our house any time to watch wrestling.”

“Keep that twenty for sorting that thing out, yeah?” - Guy with bloodshot eyes

“You can always tell it’s quiz night when they start reading out questions.”

“Kids, man! I wanna shop till I drop, not baff anuvver TING!”

“I’ve made it to nine years old and haven’t actually been run over by a car yet.”

“He’d haggle in a pound shop.”

“I’m not sure if I’m more committed to rugby or science.”

Man 1: I watched the Hills Have Eyes.
Man 2: Is that the one where the alien pops out his stomach?

“What's the English way to cut a cucumber?”

“I got off the bus and my legs felt dead long.”

Woman: I’ve got the same birthday as Rob Kardashian.
Man: I don’t know who that is, but he’s probably from that family with the big arses.

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