Retail worker: Good afternoon!
Customer: How you doin’? Phwoar, it's been a while since I came to Nottingham!
Retail worker: Ah really, where you from?
“I would rather shit myself than give up onion and garlic.”
"Why are you wearing glow in the dark trainers, man?"
“Can I have twos cos I don't want cancer init.”
“So, I wifey’d her best friend.”
“Element names are rubbish though. If I discovered an element I'd call it Ricksteinium, he's lovely.”
"...of course, that was before gay was invented."
"Why are you marrying someone who doesn't like mash?"
"What she forgets is all that time I spent making sure mam didn't have her legs amputated."
“It's tenterhooks, not tinderhooks.”
"It’s not a duck, they don't fly. Probably a little goose."
Man: Got something that tastes like Fosters?
“Come on man. Three miles isn't far, and they’ve got chicken strips.”
“Why do you get lamb chops but never sheep chops?”
Woman 1: My problem is comfort food, I just can't stop.
Woman 2: I've got the same issue, except mine’s comfort booze.
"Come on, go faster! This is Arnold, cycle like you stole this bike!" - Spin class instructor
Man 1: Ey up, Keith. I haven't seen you in ages, y'alright?
Keith: Aye, been on holiday again. I get everywhere, I do.
Man 1: Yeah, like dog shit.
“I'm more conscious of shaking my nob in the toilets than any other man in this pub.”