“I love the bantz. Unless it’s aimed at me, of course.”
“Yeah, he’ll be all right. One day, anyway. I mean, he’s in agony now. You have just broken his back.”
“You don’t spend that much time in pahnd shops.”
“Beg you let me wax your brother’s bumhole.”
“Ah, yeah. I remember that one. That was a frigging good kebab.”
Person 1: Lady Gaga is the worst person to be an advocate for mental health.
Person 2: Why? She’s pretty cool, isn’t she?
Person 1: No. She’s evil.
“It definitely smells of ham, but it might be my finger.”
“I understand moving from NG4 to NG1, or from NG6 to NG5, but if you’re moving from NG3 to NG3 then that’s rubbish."
“I don’t count it, mate, I’m not bothered as long as it makes a jingle.” – Bus driver
“In this country, I’m a fat bastard. I need to move to a country where I’d be a sex god.”
“Come on. You’re making me stand here. Watching you. Having a poo. And nothing’s coming out.” – Man to dog
“Do they have farms up north?”
Girl: Mum, when I go back to school, I’ve got six periods.
Mum: I’ve told you to call them classes.
Girl: But that’s what they’re called!
“You can’t beat me up. I’m vegan.”
“I’m not being overly critical, but that woman looks like the front end of a pantomime horse.”
The funny, and slightly worrying, things our Big Baby has heard your lot say this month...