Rocky Horror Show

What Notts: The Latest News and Stories

1 November 17 words: LeftLion
illustrations: Rikki Marr

The students are back, the 'feds' are crackin' down and all of the birds have been set free... 

THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT
The return of the students to our fine city has certainly livened things up a tad. No longer are the bars propped up with locals; instead, the shots are lined up ready to be downed by the youth in search of educational enlightenment. But it’s not all sunshine and roses round this neck of the woods, cos the whippersnappers have been causing no end of trouble with their late night house parties. So much so, that a wall outside a student house in Lenton was reduced to rubble.

The coppers are proper on one in a bid to curb neighbourhood disturbance, so they’ve launched a brand new covert operation to crack down on the party vibes, prevent sexual assault and keep local areas clean and tidy. Operation Corridor is in full swing. So, students: keep your 4am D‘n’B sessions to a minimum, make sure you put yer bins out, and there’ll be no need for any bobby bother.

SNAKES IN A CRATE
Sometimes, life throws a curveball your way. While you might be expecting an uneventful morning stroll, what the universe is actually planning is placing a crate – containing a seven-foot Burmese python – in your path. That happened to one poor sod on their walk through Sneinton. The snake was found in a plastic box in Kentwood Road, Sneinton, and is now living it up in the care of a specialist exotics vet.

WHO LET THE BIRDS OUT?
Stonebridge City Farm had a right mare last month when some bird-brained bogger rocked up to the St Ann’s community hub and, in a feathered frenzy, broke open the aviary door and set all the budgies free. While it might look like the perpetrators were helping the canaries to make a bid for freedom, this code weather means that without the proper shelter, the poor things probably won’t last very long. So well done for that one, kids.

FIXXX UP
The Private Shop in Upper Parliament Street has been open for thirty years now, and while the contents might be blue, the outside is about to become purple. That’s right, Nottingham’s oldest sex shop is having a saucy revamp to keep up with the changing tide of naughtiness, and to encourage more couples to spice up their bedroom time by walking through their doors. They’re also hiring, so spruce up your CV and get involved...

DEER, OH DEER
Some right soppy dates have been trying to spruce up their Insta profiles with some up, close and personal snaps of them and the deers over at Wollo Park. Photographer Kate Thomas took photos of the fools posing in between a stag’s antlers, with one hapless father practically placing his toddler onto the beast. Stags are most aggressive during mating season, which is now, so keep your distance unless you fancy being gored of a Sunday afternoon.

PREHISTORIC DISCOVERY
We’ve all felt the euphoria of finding a fiver tucked down the back of the sofa, or a still-alright Christmas choccie in the bedside drawer. But imagine how ‘appeh the folks over at the University of Nottingham were when they discovered a new species of marine dinosaur from a fossil that’d been stored in the engineering collection for fifty-odd years. The finding – named Protoichthyosaurus applebyi – is the first known fossil of its kind in the world.

BISCUIT BEEF
During a short social media break from the daily grind last month, we discovered our Facebook was all in a tiswas, thanks to a couple of plebs who were lobbing biscuits off the top of the Nottingham One building. One pissed-off poster said “Apart from being a waste of biscuits, this is also dangerous”. Your lot ain’t half funneh when you gerron one.