“Victoria Centre flats? Where are they?”
Woman 1: I done the tram near the station –
Woman 2: That's disgusting! You don’t know where they have been!
Person 1: It’s a shame we eat octopuses. They’re really intelligent.
Person 2: Well... they can’t drive cars, can they?
Dad: I was gonna take you to Birmingham but then I heard you got arrested.
Daughter: They just told me off!
“I’m stood in that big square… with that big building.”
“Tell you what, I know some twarts. But, f**k me, I know some proper twarts in Notts.”
“I live in the the highest car fire street in the nation, never mind in Nottingham.”
“If it’s more than the North London mum’s Range Rovers, I don’t care.”
“Oh my god. Willy Wonka’s dead innit.”
“I had a tarka vindaloo last night. It’s like a chicken vindaloo, but ‘otter.”
“Not bothered duck, we’re all f**ked any road.” – Lady who was asked if she’d like to get bumped up in the doctor’s queue
Woman 1: Who’s playing tonight?!
Woman 2: Ted Sheringham.
Woman 1: Really? He’s done well for himself.
Woman: My husband always likes it round the back and he really goes for it. He always sleeps well after that.
“Mum, Callum said he would give you eight pahnd for a donut.”
“I get well paranoid smoking cheese. Can’t even go shop for a Mars bar.”
“It’s like Benjamin Button, but in reverse.”
“Did you hear about that woman who died the other day? She lived until she was 117. She said her secret was eating three eggs a day, two cooked and one raw. I’d rather die.”
“There’s always summat that goes in summat, int they?”
“Well, you know them Waitrose fish on that advert caught on that fish rod? Well, you’re never telling me they’ve caught all them Waitrose fish on that rod.”