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What Notts: The Latest News and Stories

2 April 18 words: Lucy Manning
illustrations: Rikki Marr

We're not too proud of the city, this month. We can do better.

NOT IN OUR CITY
As you might gather from the way we’re harping on, these pages in your hands make up the hundredth issue of LeftLion Magazine. LeftLion was set up fifteen years ago with the sole intention of bigging up all things Notts, and challenging the mainstream media’s negative portrayal of it. Unfortunately, sometimes we’re faced with stories that serve as a reminder of awful attitudes that somehow still exist in our city.

Last month, student Rufaro Chisango posted a video on Twitter of some total wank stains shouting “We hate blacks” outside her door at her city centre halls. Two eighteen-year-old men have been arrested in relation to the incident, and have put a stop to their university education. NTU have said the following about the incident: “This kind of vile behaviour will not be tolerated at NTU. Those suspected perpetrators have been suspended immediately pending a full investigation.”

CLUMBER PARK BLAZE
Some serious arse wipes have only gone and set fire to a barn in Clumber Park in which eight people were sleeping. Fortunately, the guests staying in The Bunkhouse were alerted to the blaze by the fire alarm and managed to get out unscathed, but we dread to think what could have happened. A National Trust van and a bin were also set alight, and a historic bridge was damaged the week before. Will you scallywags out there put yer bleddy matchsticks away and grow the bob up?

SNOW PROBLEMO
While most were proper vexed by that there Beast from the East, a bunch of students from the University of Nottingham decided to make the best of a bad situation and build a four-man igloo in the garden of their Lenton home. Complete with a built-in beer fridge – obviously – the students, some of whom are studying Mechanical Engineering, spent up to seven hours building the structure, before settling down inside for an ice-cold bev. Cheers, youths.

RIP PETE THE FEET
Notts is feeling the loss of a proper good egg this month as beloved pianist, the wonderful “Pete the Feet”, has passed away. Famous for playing the piano with his tootsies over at The Hand and Heart of a Sunday afternoon, Pete Baylis brought joy into the hearts of many a Notts citizen tucking into their roast potatoes. Our thoughts and condolences are with his family and friends, he will be greatly missed.

JUSTICE FOR MARIAM
The city was shocked last month when the horrendous news spread of an attack on eighteen-year-old Mariam Moustafa that lead to her death. Mariam, who was studying engineering at Nottingham College, was punched repeatedly by six women on a bus and later died following a coma. 200 people gathered at a vigil for Mariam at Speaker’s Corner, where her father expressed his thanks for the unity and support shown by Nottingham people, who called for an end to violence in the city.

BOB OFF, BIRDS
Sitting pretty in the middle of Market Square, you’d be forgiven for thinking the Council House was the indestructible centrepiece of our cityscape. But you’d be wrong. In actual fact, the building’s being slowly eroded by pigeon poop. The highly acidic faeces are basically burning the stonework away, so the decision has been made to chuck a massive net over the lot, to prevent the birds from bobbing. It’s gonna look great.

MATRIX UP YER SLEEVE
Researchers at the Sir Peter Mansfield Imaging Centre at the University of Nottingham have been developing brain scanners so they can be worn as helmets. They’re hoping it’ll be useful for people who can’t use normal MEG scanners, and in researching human brain activity when moving around. Illuminati confirmed. They’ve also been developing games that are played using thoughts. Don’t know about you duck, but we’re red pill all day.

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