“You be the grass and I’ll be the lawnmower.”
Girl: I'm gonna put it in my throwing-away box.
Man: Do you mean the bin?
“I'm 55 tomorrow. That's the oldest I've ever been.”
“It's really good if... Nah, it's just f***ing sh*t.”
"Don't touch my toast, that finger's been up my arse."
"Hooch is the best. It beats Fentimans hands down in the posh lemonade stakes."
“If I could follow one religion, I think it would be hip hop.”
"There's a few things I wanna see in a rave and one of them is a puppet show. Because I've got bare puppets."
"I feel ten months pregnant." – Student after a big meal
“It was like when you can see what’s going to happen before it happens. I knew exactly what would happen. But then it didn’t happen.”
"Oh my God. I'm 26 and I've got three different baby fathers."
“Communism and capitalism. They’re different things aren’t they?”
“I would love to be a hipster.”
"You got pictures of yuh batty?"
“Asking Hillary's Blinds to come round is like asking Waitrose to come over and show you how to cook an omelette.”
“If I smell rubbish and incense together it takes me straight back there.”
"Fat Man's got yer a present."
"I can't believe it! They ent got my c**ting CRACKERS!" – Man in ASDA
“Did you know Chris Kamara was born on Christmas Day?”
"Why's that Grinch such a mardy pr*ck for?"
“Pots of pigs in blankets in Greggs? The guy behind that needs a payrise.”