Be you one half of a rock-solid couple, or a strong AF lone wolf riding the waves solo, Valentine’s Day is enough to make anyone do a bit of sicking in their mouths. If the thought of spending the day bombarded by endless rom-com re-runs is enough to make your blood curdle, have a goose at these perfectly un-romantic events for you to sink your teeth into...
In The Tune
The Chameleon Arts Cafe, 7.30pm
Leave the sonnets where they are and fill your head with some heavy bass over at The Chameleon. For the first time, In The Tune are making their way to Nottingham, and they’re bringing you a right raucous time along with ‘em. The likes of Babe Punch, False Heads and Brown Lion Zoo will be taking to the stage, gearing up to blast Cupid right off his high horse with some proper mosh-worthy tunes.
They don’t come much more more anti-valentines than this. Bask in the misery and doom of Boris and Zhenya’s divorce, and watch as their mutual dislike of each other causes them to completely forget about their twelve-year-old son, Alvoshka who eventually goes missing. Oh yeah, and the whole thing’s in Russian with English subtitles. Bleaker than bleak. We’re in.
241 Subway in Stabbo
Forget splurging all your dosh on a fancy three-course meal for two. Instead, treat yourself like the king or queen you are with an exciting trip to Stapleford, rounded off with a free Subway. Buy one sub of your choosing and get the second for no damage to the poss strings at all. Take ‘em both home, sit in front of the tele and gorge yourself on melted cheese and Italian wheat bread. It’s the only six inch you need this Valentine’s.
The Punkest Valentines
The Lord Nelson, 7pm
This one’s shrouded in mystery, but we’re in nonetheless. The Sneinton-based boozer is promising an anti-valentine’s day event to remember, complete with skittles vodka. Intruiging. There’ll no doubt be bands and beer aplenty, so round up some pals who are just as sick of the sight of roses and rings as you are, and make a proper night of it.
Hula Hoop Class
The Lenton Centre, 7.30pm
If love’s been running rings round you this year, stick two fingers up to the bogger and stick a hoop in it’s place instead. Over at The Lenton Centre, some fancy folk are hosting a class that’ll teach you all the tricks of the hooping trade. Hoops are provided, it’s only six bob for the hour, and it’ll be a welcome distraction from all the god-awful couples flaunting their vomit-worthy relationships on Instagram.
Festival of Science and Curiosity: Discover George Green
Green’s Windmill, 10am
All that romance is good for is turning your brain to mush. Resist the mindless temptation over at Green’s Windmill, and get stuck in to what the Festival of Science and Curiosity have got to offer. They’ve transformed the site into their very own interactive science centre, and are inviting you down to learn all you can about Nottingham’s mathematical physicist, George Green, and experiment with light, electricity and magnetism.
Valentine’s Sucks Smutty Stitch
Two Little Magpies, 7pm
The Beeston venue are pulling put all the stops to show San Valentino who’s boss this year, with the return of their smutty stitching event. Sewers of all abilities are welcome to abandon the box of chocolates and a romcom option, in favour of cross stitching some right naughty bits and bobs, while getting right royally sloshed in the process. It’ll set you back £26, but you can’t put a price on that kind of fun. All the gear will be provided, and you can expect a lot of adult humour and blue language. Sounds like a bit of us.