PINT OF COBRA
Bars and restaurants in this city have been closing down and changing hands like nobody’s business. The latest quaffing hole to wave the white flag is old Saltwater int’ Cornerhouse. I was never a big fan of the bogger, to be honest; not since I had a few kekkles and they lobbed me out for refusing to take my cap off, any road.
Now they’ve shut shop, former World Heavyweight champion Carl Froch has bagged the venue for himsen so he can run a fancy new boozer. I can’t see me cap being a problem in The Cobra’s new Alto Bar; not that the no-hat policy will change, just that I’ll tek it off when that hard nut tells me too. He battered George Groves in front of 80,000 people at Wembley, ya know.
CAIN AND BAGEL
Two Notts brothers have been in court duking it out over the Birds Bakery inheritance their mam left them. Her fave got £737,000, whereas the wrong’un bagged a measly chuffin’ £40,000. It’s a skank one, maybe, but surely you can leave the lawyers out and sort it between yersens, lads?
NOTTS' BOBBEST BURGLAR
They say practice meks perfect, but not in the case of one Notts bloke that was caught nicking from Viccy centre last month. Some plain-clothed coppers collared him trying to pocket a remote control helicopter, which turned out to be his 213th arrest. Sort it out.
TOP OF THE POPS
A fella from West Bridgford has bagged himsen the Celebrity Dad of the Year title, beating the likes of Prince Will, Rio Ferdinand and some lad from One Direction. Mark Hoyle, aka LadBaby, gorr’is face out there by lobbing up daft parenting videos on YouTube. Not only is he a right funny bogger, he’s from NG2 an’all, so good on him.