Overheard in Notts

Man 1: Where you going tonight?
Man 2: To a tapas restaurant.
Man 1: Oh, where’s tapas then?

Man 2: It’s a cuisine, not a restaurant, ya c**t.

“I swear you didn’t get ginger beards when I was a lad… I blame Ed Sheeran.”

"I’m trying to work out who this McEnroe Borg is cos he looks ever-so familiar.”

"Don’t snatch from me or I’ll break ya.”

“I want to go for a wee but it smells like poo.”

“It’s not his fault his d**k’s too big.”

“Can we watch My Sex Robot on Netflix, please?”

“I’m just not sure I can really take doge seriously as a meme.”

“Liberty X and electro swing on repeat is torture though.”

“I saw a woman kick a girl in the fanny. I literally don’t know what to do with that.”

“I can safely say I haven’t thrown my own sh*t out of a window.”

“Stand too close? Get banged.”

“The Prius has a dang big boot.”

“That’s the perfect amount of crisps for a crisp sandwich. Life’s finally looking up.”

“I’m mambaphobic.”

Girl: What’s your name?
Lad: Simon.
Girl: One of the chipmunks is called Simon!

“What is it with kids all wanting to lick sockets?”

“I don’t go out to the pub to get drunk, but I always do get drunk.”

Bloke: I’ve not even brushed my teeth. You got any chewing gum?
Woman: I’ve got a Rennie?

“How much is it for five pounds worth of beer tokens?