Bradley Wiggins
Man 1: Where you going tonight?
Man 2: To a tapas restaurant.
Man 1: Oh, where’s tapas then?
Man 2: It’s a cuisine, not a restaurant, ya c**t.
“I swear you didn’t get ginger beards when I was a lad… I blame Ed Sheeran.”
"I’m trying to work out who this McEnroe Borg is cos he looks ever-so familiar.”
"Don’t snatch from me or I’ll break ya.”
“I want to go for a wee but it smells like poo.”
“It’s not his fault his d**k’s too big.”
“Can we watch My Sex Robot on Netflix, please?”
“I’m just not sure I can really take doge seriously as a meme.”
“Liberty X and electro swing on repeat is torture though.”
“I saw a woman kick a girl in the fanny. I literally don’t know what to do with that.”
“I can safely say I haven’t thrown my own sh*t out of a window.”
“Stand too close? Get banged.”
“The Prius has a dang big boot.”
“That’s the perfect amount of crisps for a crisp sandwich. Life’s finally looking up.”
“I’m mambaphobic.”
Girl: What’s your name?
Lad: Simon.
Girl: One of the chipmunks is called Simon!
“What is it with kids all wanting to lick sockets?”
“I don’t go out to the pub to get drunk, but I always do get drunk.”
Bloke: I’ve not even brushed my teeth. You got any chewing gum?
Woman: I’ve got a Rennie?
“How much is it for five pounds worth of beer tokens?
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