Woman: What are you doing tonight?
Man: Going out for a curry.
Woman: You can't have hot food in hot weather.
Man 1: I don't really understand football.
Man 2: Yeah me neither, I just like gambling.
"I've got homicide, and then I've got Hannah's birthday."
"I want to go into the chocolate area."
“I want to make a curry but I'm not sure I've reached that point yet.”
Woman 1: I like my Sunday dinner swimming in gravy.
Woman 2: Yeah, I do like the dry bit though. I like to have a deep end.
“The best guitar solo of all time is Candy by Robbie Williams.”
“Someone just gave me Magnum Tonic Wine and now I've got headache.”
“Danielle, get them f**king sausages out the oven you t**t.”
“They're always fighting, they go at it hammer and tooth.”
“That's not a cake, that's a traybake at best.”
"I'm happy to be monogamous, I just need to find someone to be monogamous with me."
Woman 1: Well I think she’s taking too much of that medicine.
Woman 2: I know.
Woman 3: I’ve seen her.
Woman 1: She just swigs it back, she don’t just tek a spoon.
Woman 2: Well, that’s the quickest way to, you know…
“He said that I basically dislocated his shoulder with the weight of my thumb on his forehead.”
Man: How you finding Notts so far then?
Woman: Oh it's beautiful, isn't it?
“Boy, it's going to be a long autumn.”
“I hope work isn’t busy today I’m jet lagged from my flight back from Barcelona.”
"Taking m-kat in the toilet possibly ruined my life."
“It was at that point where he'd sweated in it and that.”
"I've not been to Wagamama. I'm scared of it."
"Geoff was being a bit overenthusiastic in the garage and threw out my dahlia tubers."
“If you kill a pigeon here you can go to jail.” – Man on phone
“I know a lot about beef, I can smell it from a mile away.”
"Ya know what you're gerrin on your birfday? An orange, mate." – Mum to screaming two-year old
“I mean I'm all for an Airwaves, but not in the rave.”
"That's not déjà vu mate, that's just a thing happening twice."
"PLEASE... GIVE MY COMPLIMENTS TO THE CHEF!" – Teenager being thrown out of McDonalds by a bouncer
The funny, and slightly worrying, things our Big Baby has heard your lot say this month...