The ancient wisdoms of tarot have been utilised in the foretelling of soul destiny for bleddy yonks. We hath dug out some of Nottingham’s occult cards for yorn ducks to cut out and play with in the last remaining local boozers, or Temples of the Divine, if you like. Pay heed to the stories told, interpret the knowledge imparted in your own, true way. Just mek sure you charge a decent few quid for any readings given, and sling us 10%...
CAREFREE • DECISIONS • NEW BEGINNINGS • PAWNSHOP
The bailiffs came for Gotham one day, but howling laughter slipped them free of taxes. “Hee hee ha! Ho ho ho! Off with yersens you go!” they cried, and a new life began for the Gothamites. Make like The Fools themsens, and ignore those who exploit; live an existence where one is left in peace to govern one’s self. Without making any appearances on Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away!
EXPLOITATION • IMPRISONMENT • OPPORTUNITY • TWYCROSS
We become wild things when it comes to opportunity, and when a star that shines bright and influential extends a hand, we foam at the mouths to take it. Our delusions mask the pain of when the same star burns us, shackling us in iron and forcing us to dance. For this is the way of the rich and heartless; it is their beastly nature to see those below them as ripe for exploitation.
SHADOW SELF • ATTACHMENT • FAG BUTTS • RESTRICTION
We forget that rubbish is an echo of our lives. We’re quick to step straight over it and let detritus tumble from our pockets, but it can tell of our manifesting patterns through a music of skin flakes and Maccy D cups. We can’t stop now; the solar maw invites your smelly life inside. Pay heed to the pesky handle born by lips, and do not get sticky stuff upon your digits.
HARMONY • SPRECHGESANG • RELATIONSHIPS • TWITTER
Whether we live as an infamous lover, or spend our lives alone and without touch, we will still know love. It doesn’t always manifest in relationships; it is in everything. We can adore ideas and, hopefully, ourselves. For it is as the old poets told us: “We've run foul of the hidden hatred / That festers in dogs like you / Tripwire taut that makes way for the vacuum / Ya piece of f**kin' sh*t.”
GOOD LUCK • KARMA • DESTINY • PETER RABBIT 50Ps
A totem signifying the arrival of many a wish-laden tuppence. Predating Victoria Centre itself, t’Emett is a conduit of wealth and capitalism that drew businesses to roost like moths to a flame. Yet, the ungrateful soddes shifted it from its original home, ferreting it away by the upper doors; the bigger beast swallowing the centre intu its devilish gobhole. Admire the glint of copper hope in fountain waters, ducketh, but fall not into its greedy sog.
INTROSPECTION • ALONE • BUSKING • INNER GUIDANCE
An ancient sentinel spirit sits musical in the high street spot. He plinketh and plonketh on his tod, listening only to his wooden tones, with the glue of wisdom fixing both beanie to bonce, and legs to patch. What eldritch knowledge was bestowed on him so that he mastered the song of the African trees? Wouldst thou giveth 20p for the song to guide your shopping journey? Ask yourself twice, and draw again.
COURAGE • PERSUASION • COMPASSION • NETFLIX BINGES
We stand together, true and real, like the bricks and mortar of Clifton estate. Strength does not come simply from being a true child of Snottingham, but the valour to tear oneself free of the lion’s grip and transcend into the media plane. Seers and precogs have seen this will happen, happening long into infinity, but they have also seen this; there will never be a sequel to John Carter, because nobody saw it.
RISK • AFTERLIFE • SWEETNESS • APOCALYPSE
Sting once, and die. The bee must make their rage count before they make such a tremendous sacrifice, before dropping from the air to park benches and hedgerows. Their husks become forgotten, not taken as prizes, for they are not bronzed nor taste sweet like honey. Someone watches them, however; a keeper who guides the buzzing souls home, to the town of their own name, where the blessed offer sugar water to the thirsty and meek.
WARMTH • VIBRANCY • MALWARE • DETERMINATION
Be mindful on your streaming quest, for not everything we clicketh is what it seems. Still, it was determination indeed that deciphered Babbage’s number wheels, and determination further that made it work. The Queen’s codebusters break the black ice of her father’s sordid shadow, reprogramming the family legacy to a vision of the future glowing vibrant with the screens of countless monitors, all having a little scroll on the Facebook.
MANIFESTATION • EXPLOSIONS • RESOURCEFULNESS • ACTION
There are whispers that the wizards forwent their pointed hats to grow out their hair wild and white. Today, there is no denying that they still lie in our midst; largely in university chemistry departments, mixing potions of power and sharing findings with YouTube apprentices. But beware the seeming invincibility of knowledge, young mixir of elixirs! Oh, young cooker of ketamine! Bunsen burners can kill, and/or singe yon eyebrows.
ROMANCE • FLOOR KEBABS • CHARM • IMAGINATION
We must give thanks to the cats who support us in hardship, and vommeths following too many Harvest Pales. A tale as old as time unfurls every night atop the lion’s back, for the pisshead imagines themselves either a brave lioneer or a totally original funnyman. Though we must not judge – we cannot judge – and simply find that little student in our hearts. For who among us doth not have a drunken photo of themselves on the lion?
ENDINGS • TRANSFORMATION • TRANSITION • TRAFFIC
Foretold by the crumbling walls of thine nearby NCP, ‘twas poetry that knocked out the first brick of the past, and a sour history of piss and asbestos came to a crumbling end. But lo, a seed grows from the dirt there, ready to flower and shift into something new. Such a pity that it will bloom into the same thing, and when that one falls, we’ll have to reuse this accursed article.