“Hello? Hello? Oh, it’s you, you f**king tithead.” – Man on phone
Woman: Well, we’ve always been Beeston people, an’t we?
Man: Yes. Seventy years.
“He looks like the gay Antichrist.”
“I am so tired lately, I fell asleep while smoking a cigarette.”
“It’s like Chariots of Fire... all over again.” – A woman dragging three canoes full of kids back to shore on a boating lake
“I don’t do that funeral business no more. Too many people dyin’.”
Girl 1: What's the royal family's last name?
Girl 2: I don't think they've got one... actually maybe they've all got different ones.
Girl 1: Like Meghan Markle.
Girl 2: Or Prince Charles.
Girl 1: I think that’s his first name.
“I can’t walk to Shirebrook with a bag of coal on my back.”
“I could eat a buttered donkey.”
“This bus is so hot, I can feel my eyebrows sweatin’.”
“I think he's struggling for money at the moment. His mam buys Bramwell's tomato sauce.”
“...so I dotted that t and crossed that i.”
“I can’t believe I’m getting to meet an internet-famous dog today!”
Man 1: Why you always so angry?
Man 2: I'm not angry... Alright, I'm fairly angry.
“He’s one of those boys that you can’t get feelings for because you know you might get chlamydia.”
Woman 1: What do vegetarians eat for breakfast?
Woman 2: Haven’t you ever heard of Weetabix?
“I bet he’s the kind of person who eats bacon sandwiches at lunch time.”