What happened to David Cameron? Is he still in the background pulling Boris’ strings somewhere? Same old Etonian schoolboys running the country. We hope they got Mrs May a nice leaving present. A £50 each whip-round from the cabinet ought to get her a nice handbag and necklace.
Cricket World Cup
What a fantastic finish! They won it by six feet, which was a bit too close for comfort. It was a brilliant occasion and we’re really proud they managed it. Did you watch any of the netball too? We really enjoyed that. Apparently it’s the fastest growing sport in the country, apart from board games.
Storm Area 51
We don’t even know what Area 51 is. Do people not have better things to do than sign up to Facebook things they’ll never do? It’s absolute lunacy. There’s nothing else out there… it’s that simple. All the weirdos are on Earth already. There are a couple in here right now.
Favourite wild animal
We like elephants and tigers, but our overall favourite has got to be giraffes. They can kick other animals to death with ease because their legs are so long, and they can outrun just about anything.