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Ayup Duck: The Latest Nottingham News

4 February 19 words: Ayup Duck
illustrations: Rikki Marr

What's been rufflin' Ayup Duck's feathers this month? 

You see all sorts of tomfoolery on that FaceArse, but I’ve not seen many brushes dafter than this pair. After a night out on the lashery, two wazzocks decided it’d be a clever idea to crack their way into a Skylink airport bus, drive it down the road cackling their bonces off, and live stream the hijack on social media.

The silly boggers looked like they were having a great time, steaming ahead, taking it in turns pretending to be a real customer gerrin’ a ticket. Unsurprisingly, the jokers have been jailed and fined after being identified through the video footage. After being caught red handed, they both pleaded guilty and have had their bums slapped with sixteen- and twelve-week sentences. You’d have thought they’d have seen that one coming. Bleeding hellfire, lads. It was hardly one for Sherlock Holmes.

My poor, quacking heart. Did you ever think you’d see the day Wimpy shut its doors? That place has been around since dinosaur times. Now it’ll join the rest of the fossils that’ve been embedded into the grave walls of Broadmarsh. It’s one more step towards them redevelopments. Any day now.

One bloke from up Strelley bought himsen a couple of penguins, checked their microchips, and found out they’d been pinched from a zoo. He belled the coppers to tell them about his new mates Pablo and Penny, and they’re now investigating a bloke on suspicion of birdglary.

Nottingham’s ravers and gig-goers lost their minds when Rock City started ripping up their floor and flogging bits of it off. Whatever toots yer fruit, I suppose. I’ve been doing renovations on me kitchen, so if anyone’s after some more, I’ve got a skipload of sticky MDF to get rid on. Giz a bell. Ten quid a pop.

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