“What happened to the F**KIN’ WHEEL?!”
"Can you remember on Titanic when them three blokes are playing while the ship goes down? That's warrit reminds me of." – Woman watching violin busker
"I've got a new boss. Yep, another 25-year-old c**t."
"Mate, a male bus driver just called me 'duck'. Is that normal?"
“If you've got a fanny, you've got a fanny. If you've got a dick, you've got a dick. So long as you're not hurting anyone, just be what you wanna be. But, you know, if you're a bird, you're a bird. I dunno, so long as it's not hurting anyone.”
"I'm tryna lose weight. I'll save a fortune on soap in the shower."
Person 1: Did you know there's a Japanese fan club for the grandfather Bramley apple tree in Southwell?
Person 2: I like Aspley.
“Tell you what... I feel like a bleddy forty pence piece.”
“So I called the five-o to tell them what had happened and they said they'd be around about half one. And I said ‘You f**king won't, I'll be asleep.’”
Person 1: Escuse me, do you know wh…
Person 2: I'm from New York, I don’t even know where I am.
"Back in Year Ten, I used to troll ballet forums and see how long it would take to get banned.”
“These remainers, they all kick up a fuss about human rights and that...”
“All these bloody remainers who think they're tryna save us from ourselves… It annoys me intensely.”
Man 1: I mean... May, Putin and Trump?!
Man 2: There's a joke there somewhere
Woman: That is the joke, mate.
"What, is my sperm not a delicacy enough for you?"
"Just wave to them and stop chewing your dress."
“Oi, Jermaine! Ya ugly, alligator-mouthed ba***rd.”