Turn of the screw

Overheard In Notts

3 March 19 words: Big Baby

Big Baby heard some right tripe this month... 

“Of course I've tried it, I'm a gay man!”

“I’m done with the jail thing. I’m sticking to my plastering now.”

“No, I don't want to babysit. If I wanted to babysit I'd go home and see my own kids.”

“My driving ban’s up now. I need to drive, but I keep drinking too much.”

Woman: I fancy something spicy for dinner.

Man: Well, why don't I make us some of those fanjitas?

“I don't like the rain. But if it pisses it down when you're out, then it's fair cop. Fair dos.”

Man 1: She’s having a go at me for being too real.

Man 2: Mate, you weren’t being real, you’re just a dickhead.

Woman 1: The worst thing about getting old is getting a moustache.

Woman 2: What?

Woman 1: Wait, you don’t have one? I’m growing a f**king beard!

"Is changing from sweet popcorn to salted popcorn the mark of being a proper adult? Because I'm not sure I've got my sh*t together enough for that.”

“I can only get into two nightclubs in Notts, and that’s when I’m wiv me mam!”

Man 1: So where's Swansea then?

Man 2: I think it's down near London.

Man 1: Near Watford?

Man 2: Yeah, that’s it.

“I was thinking of going into the police force and being a detective innit. But then I realised I like drugs too much. Might have to be a counsellor or summat.”

"The fact he's not been in the office makes him a lot easier to ignore."

"Being good to people we meet. That's something you could do for me." – Man to dog

“And I said, ‘Well, if you didn’t smoke crack you’d be able to get something to eat.’”

Woman 1: You'd love him, he's like a mixture of Chandler and Ross.
Woman 2: He sounds like a c**t.

“She thinks she’s hard cos she’s got a double-ear piercing, it’s like ‘come on, mate’.”

“You just know she's one of these people who's going to end up a f**king millionaire from doing nothing.”

“She's got other stuff going for her... Her personality, I guess.”

“Come onnnn, it's 2019, c**t is a term of endearment.”

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