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Ayup Duck: The Latest Nottingham News

28 September 19 words: Ayup Duck

What's been gooin' off?

Fountain frollicking 
Sometimes the weather calls for whipping off yer top and splashing in the water. Most of us tend to do that in the comfort of our own paddling pools, however some barmy bloke had it all hangin’ out in the fountains in Old Market Square. 

He caused a proper hullabaloo, but the coppers didn’t cuff him up coz they thought he’d just had a bit too much to drink. One rule for sweaty topless men, another rule for the rest of us. We not sure how often they clean it out — so just remember next time you’re dippin’ your tootsies that you might be soakin’ in some man-boob juice.

Spooky spesh 
It’s all getting a bit spooky round here. The shops are stocking terrifyingly terrible tat and a haunted hotel is comin’ to Old Market Scare. We love celebrating the good work of St. Pumpkin ‘Money Maker’ Jack, and he sure deserves a whole month of shenanigans. Sayin’ that, we’ll take any excuse to munch on a loada tuffies, and it’s always nice to remind St. Nick he needs to keep his choccies outta Tescos until November at least.

Diamonds are forever 
Last year a snazzy tiara was stolen from the Welbeck Estate, and they still ain’t caught the crooks who swiped it. A £100,000 reward has now been offered up for any info that can help get it back. Mind you, whoever snatched it has deffo raked in the cash from it by now, and probably got a fair more bob than that on the black market. Stingy snouts shoulda coughed up when it got nicked. 

Make off with it
Three of the city’s fancy-shmansey make-up gaffs have announced they’re gonna shut up shop, all in the space of a month. Apparently all the gals and guys are buyin’ their stuff on the web, or just at fine and dandy Boowts. Me Lady Duck ain’t too impressed though, and when I told her to smear some raspberries on her beak instead, she gave me some lip and told me to stick that idea up me feathers. 

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