Cob to the Rescue!
Them paramedics have a load of fancy shizzle in those nee-naw vans. But sometimes, there is only one thing that can sort a fella out: a savoury saviour, the hero Nottingham deserves. When a diabetic man collapsed in the city centre, a couple of CPOs used a cob to try and revive him. After a few rapid nibbles, the geezer returned to full alertness and went on his way to get a check-up at the walk-in centre. I for one enjoy chompin’ away on that bready goodness, and we know how much a cob can help perk yer up if you’re feelin’ a bit woozy or peckish. Pass us one stuffed with some greasy bacon, quicktime.
A Tortoise-Thieving Tale
Some bloke yanked a poor lickle tortoise from its home in Worksop, and went on the run with it. Luckily, unlike the reptile itsen, the boys in blue were rather speedy at solving the case, and quickly arrested the crook. Apparently there was a “community resolution” between the guy and the victim, which I hope means the robber has to meet all the tortoise’s demands (“Lettuce get you some dinner, sir”). Let’s just hope the poor thing weren’t shell-shocked.
Notts is fulla characters that love our city and love what they do. Our Margaret is hangin’ up her pinny after 61 bleedin’ years of being landlady at the March Hare pub in Sneinton. She reckons the pub scene ain’t been the same since they stopped allowing us to smoke ciggies in ‘em, and everyone's too busy twindlin’ on their mobile telecommuncation devices to have a proper chat. God bless you Maggie. Bottoms up.
Banking on It
Those Extinction Rebellion protesters were at it again, only this time they weren’t cloggin’ up the roads. They were… cloggin’ up the bank. After walkin’ around the city donning bowler hats and umbrellas, they decided to lie down in Barclays as some sorta peaceful protest. So the only inconvenience was folks havin’ to tread over ‘em. Not the craziest protest we’ve ever heard of, but whatever gets yer notices, right?