Overheard in Notts

Words: Big Baby
Monday 03 August 2020
reading time: min, words

Big Baby's back on the prowl...

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“He said you were going home to get food! That's not food, them's Wotsits!”

“Ok, now say ‘virus freeee’”- Grandad taking photo of posed grandchild 

“You can't give her a fiver, that's like... poor people money”

“He’s got one of those ‘leant on a keyboard’ rapper names...”

“Mate, I feel like a tentacle”

“She walks like a dog wearing shoes” - Dad watching his toddler daughter

“So this is Nottingham. It's like Leicester, but gentrified”

“He got banned from the comedy workshop for being too funny”

“He's diabetic and a cross-dresser, but he still managed to get a decent job”

“You know what I love about you?... You always pick up the phone”

“Yeah I'll meet you about 7.30ish, or maybe 25 to 8”

“I do apologise for my friend, I think he's on a sex line to my sister”

“I had twenty minutes spare to finish him off, so that was beautiful”

“It comes down to a toss up between Dwayne Johnson and Billy Crystal”

“You taste like something you haven’t eaten...”

“See if you can find me a nice silk scarf, I need one to clean my violin” - Man outside Oxfam

“Ding, dang, the whole shabang”

“But who will be our nanny when you die?” - Two kids and their nan walking home from school

“Don’t spend your overdraft!”
“Oh no, I’m not – this is my parents’ money”

“No! I don’t like slugs on me dinner!”

“Both times I went to prison, I was wearing these shoes. Now when I do anything bad, I just don’t wear them so they won’t recognise me”

“You eat way too many Babybels to live to ninety”

“Do you remember going to Butlins and being sick on that nun?”
“She was so un-nunly”

“That’s a proper fire exit, that. What’s the best fire exit you’ve ever seen?”

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