What you been chattin'?
“Smoking bare weed made her batty so small, and her legs nuff skinny…”
“It's like time seems different to me now. I mean it feels like I only seen you a couple of months ago.”
“That's ‘cos you did see us a couple of months ago.”
“I told him, you don’t know where I’m from. By Friday night we’ll both be stood there with black eyes and pints in our hands.”
Bus driver: “He doesn't look well. I can't take him when he's that drunk.”
Woman: “Oh, he's not drunk. He's on drugs.”
“I had one of them well-man check up at the doctor’s ten year ago. He says, ‘You're all right, you could run a marathon’. Had a bleddy heart attack on the toilet a month later. Goes to show, doesn't it?”
“I got up early on Tuesday morning and popped half a Ritalin so I could tidy up before the cleaning lady came.”
“He skinned a cat.”
“Why did he do that?”
“Too much acid.”
“Had to sack three labourers for tossing off round the corner of a building.”
“Well I want a million pounds Dion. But I’m not gonna get one.”
“Olives are just grapes for wankers.”
“She’s bulk-buying Father’s Day cards. Take that for what you will.”
Son: “You know how I keep telling you you're the best mum out there…”
Mum: “What do you want?”
Man on phone: “Yeah...yeah...yeah....yeah...yeah”
His mate: “One more ‘yeah’ and I’m kicking off.”
Man on phone: “...yeah…yeah...”
His mate: “Well he called my bluff there didn’t he.”
“I bloody love football” - Guy who clearly doesn’t love football
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